Healer

These past few months have been tough to say the least. I have always tried to keep my life nice and neat and pretty. I try to be strong and paint any situation into a pretty picture. But life isn't always so easy to control and it gets messy before you even realize what's happening. Then on top of that throw in an enemy who lies in wait to pounce on your greatest weaknesses at your weakest moments and you have a full load of messy.

If it makes me stronger, makes me a better person, and strengthens my relationship with the Lord, then I will accept the messes of life. I will pick myself up by my boot straps and wade through the muck if it means I get to know my Savior better.

Weakness is a humbling place to be and sometimes that's exactly the place God needs to bring us to.

I have learned a lot about my Lord through this season. Oh how I wish that there had been a better way. An easier, less painful way. But will I ever understand what it means that God is near to the broken hearted, if I never experience heart ache? Would I truly know what it means for God to meet me where I am, and to make beauty out of my mess, if life is always sunshine and roses? Can I truly understand God as Healer unless I have needed and experienced His healing? Will I be able to appreciate His unfailing love that has no conditions attached to it, if I don't recognize that I am quite a wreck at times...more often that I care to admit? Praise God on that last one. He knows I am going to screw things up and yet He is just waiting to shower me with Grace to remind me that He will never stop loving me!

Now I don't believe that God wants us to go through hard times so we can discover these parts of Himself, but I believe sometimes it's the only way we can understand a God greater than our human minds can conceive, a love to great for our limited human hearts to truly wrap our heads around.

Yes the messy parts of life stink big time (I censored that a bit);)! And I will probably continue to do my part to avoid them at all cost. And I am certain I will continue to be annoyingly optimistic to try to avoid any glimpse of life being messy. But I hope in your moments of weakness and hurting that come that are simply unavoidable that you have the hope of Christ. That's what's truly heart breaking, is that everyday millions of people go through tough times without the hope of Christ.

I pray that you can see the beauty in your mess. To truly experience Him as Redeemer and Healer and Restorer and Faithful and Lover and Strength and Hope and Peace has been the beauty from the mess for me and has changed my view of my Father in the most precious way.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalm 73:26

In everything give thanks...

I have always loved Thanksgiving. Mostly, I hate to admit, for all the wrong reasons. I love that it marks the beginning of the holidays. I love that it means the world around us is about to be transformed into a beautiful array of golds, oranges, and reds. I love all of the fun festivities and decor. I especially appreciate that it means turkey and dressing and sweet potatoes will be a regular meal for about a month or so (which I also hate because I love it so much my pants get a little snug;)) Well this Thanksgiving I would like to take a moment to love it for the right reasons. I have so many things to be thankful for and I could use a nice refresher of how blessed I am this season.

I am thankful for my health and desire to be healthy. Every time I finish a workout and especially a tough run, I always thank God for the ability to do what I just did. I am also realizing what a struggle it can be to want to make healthy choices. I am still not where I would like to be in the discipline of eating healthy (I LOVE TO EAT;)), but I am thankful that I have the desire to work to get to that place and that I am aware of the challenge it can be. I pray God gives me discipline and a strong will to take care of the body He blessed me with.

I am thankful for a job I love. When I have had some rough days in the past month or so, I have had only one place that I find joy and encouragement and laughter, and oddly enough it is work. Whether it is from my morning greeting by the kitchen workers giving me a hard time about my still wet head in the 30 degree weather or the beautiful children who show love in the most precious ways, I am constantly reminded that I am blessed! I couldn't ask for a better work environment!  Not many people can say they love their jobs, and I am so thankful that I can!

I am thankful for the people God has surrounded me with. I am blessed with a family who puts up with me on my bad days and has been my support and encouragement through the years. I am pretty sure families don't get any better than mine. I have been surrounded with Godly friends over the years, and I am incredibly blessed with 2 beautiful girl friends that are truly a gift from God. They have always been an ear to hear and a voice of Godly wisdom through so many ups and downs.

I am thankful to be a part of God's work in His church. I am thankful to be a part of a church family that is encouraging and challenges me in my walk with the Lord. I love seeing our church growing and stepping out in faith.

Most of all I am thankful for a God who does not run out of grace and forgiveness and love. He is my rock and my redeemer, my refuge and my hiding place, my strength and my joy. I am thankful that He doesn't see me for the weak mess that I see myself as, but He sees me as the strong and beautiful daughter of a King and that He seeks daily to help me see that in myself. I am thankful that He will never give up on me!

"Come let us shout triumphantly to the rock of our salvation!
 Let us enter His presence with thanksgiving;
let us shout triumphantly to Him in song,
For the Lord is a great God,
a great King above all gods.
The depths of the earth are in His hand,
and the mountain peaks are His."
Psalm 95:1-4

Just what the doctor ordered...

13.1 miles on a beautiful day, on a beautiful quiet and quaint little course was just what the Dr. ordered for this little lady! I love to run. It is great medicine for my soul, and this run couldn't have come at a better time! The day was perfect. A bit on the chilly, breezy side, which is perfect running weather! The breeze gave a little resistance which added a little challenge to the course. The sun was shining and the air was crisp.

Today's run was different from the past ones in ways I can't explain. What I can say is that it was great! It was challenging and a nice escape from life for a brief moment in time. Not that life stinks or anything, but sometimes it brings its own challenges and it's just nice to not deal with reality for a moment or two. It's nice to just run and enjoy the scenery and simply focus on conquering the 13.1 mile journey ahead!

These 2 lovelies got up nice and early to cheer us on.

This is about mile 8. I smile when I see cameras;) And because I was having fun! 

Mr. Ronnie did great, setting a new PR for himself! 

Overall it was a great run! I thought surely something was off when my watch went off to show my first mile, saying 8:28 or 8:38 or something like that. I was shocked because I only run that quick when working speed with short distances. So I thought it must just be adrenaline at the start. Every time my watch beeped to mark another mile I checked my pace, expecting it to gradually get slower, but it stayed under 9:00 for all but 2 miles (my normal pace is between 9:30-10:00). I was excited that I would beat my personal best from my last race and meet my goal for this race, which was 2 hr. 10 min. 

At about mile 11 I heard two men talking behind me about the distance left and the time. One said that his goal was just to get in at under 2 hours. When I heard that I immediately began to think, if he is behind me and keeping my pace...wait a minute...I can get in at under 2 hours!!! Never did I think I could do that! I was so excited:) A little fire was lit under my feet and I took off. OK not really took off but I didn't slow down that is for sure! I made it in at about 1 hour and 56-57 min. (still waiting on official times to be posted). It was a mixture of pure excitement and a bit of "OH NO...now I have a big PR to work towards for next time!" Overall it has been a great journey leading up to this race, and I am thankful for the health and ability to run in God's beautiful creation! 

Call me old fashioned...

I have recently been attracted to things that used to be... a simpler life. I am not saying my life is too crazy and that I need to cut back on things. I have spent most of the weekend on the couch. I live a pretty simple life. I like it that way, with little adventures thrown in here and there.

I look back on old TV shows or the way I see generations ahead of me speak of their childhoods, and I miss that. I dream of that for my children. Today we are so glued to our technology. (Myself definitely included...On a scale of 1 being not too bad and 10 being you can't have a conversation with me without me checking my phone every 5 minutes, I would give myself about a 5.) I worry that I will lose the joy of hearing of someone's exciting news in person or through precious letter or phone call. I fear that my already introverted self, will struggle to make conversations about life. I hate the disconnect we see in our generation with one another, the lack of genuine communication and the obsession with superficial "friendships" through social networking. I hate when someone goes to tell you news and I say the dreaded phrase "Yeah I saw that on facebook".

So not as a social experiment or any deep conviction or any rebellion of social networking, I will be deleting my facebook account for an indefinite amount of time. I just want to live real life. I want to hear about your life from your very lips or through a personal text to check in with one another, I want to see your pictures personally whether through texts or in person. This is going to take some work on my part, being intentional with relationships so I do stay connected with my friends and family, but I think it will be a good thing.

I will likely continue blogging, so feel free to follow my blog. But blogs are usually more for me to journal life's journey and allow you a glimpse into my heart during that season.

I don't know that a blog post was necessary to explain my departure from facebook, but I just thought I would let you know that I would like to get to know you and be more than just "friends" if it makes you sad that you won't be able "stalk" me and find out what's new in my life through facebook;) So I will gladly give you my number if you would like to stay in touch and hang out.

And so it begins...again...

I have a love/hate relationship with this time of the year. The time of year where I have to get up early, where I am on a schedule that I have little say in, where I have to find the strength and energy and sanity to do my job when I am sapped dry of strength and energy and sanity from doing my job, and the constant running of my mind of ideas, checklists of work to be done, and children who need some extra help. The time of year where I have to leave behind the luxuries of lazy summer days to face the hustle and bustle of teaching!

Despite it all,  I LOVE my job! Those hated things above are rarely a game changer for me. Really it's just the transition from not being on a set schedule to being on a set schedule that gets me. Once I am in the routine I feel much better, especially when I know we have days off throughout the year to help restore that whole sanity part;). 

Even when my little kiddos decide to take their bright minds to another planet for a time during class and have not a clue what has been going on around them for the past 10 minutes. I love my job! Or when they are so delightfully telling me a story at lunch as they chew their food and I try to stomach my own food. I wouldn't trade it for a thing! 

I just finished up my first week of school for my fourth time. I can definitely say I had a great week and was reminded again that God's timing and placement in my life are always right on target! 

For teachers, January is not the New Year. August is. And I love this time of the year despite all of its craziness because I get a fresh start. It is the perfect time to change things that didn't go so well last year, to evaluate my personal teaching style and how I can improve it for the benefit of my students, and to learn from the mistakes and successes of the past.

For me personally this year, my challenge is to be less and allow Christ to be more in my life. Lately God has been constantly bringing to light times where I am being a bit selfish. Whether it is simply me taking the time to stop and have a conversation with someone when I know I have a mountain of papers to check or me reigning in my frustration when that child who took the first flight to a far off universe hasn't a clue what to do on the worksheet I just thoroughly explained, I see much room for improvement. My heart is to be more like Christ in handling the simplest of things. The things where most people would say that they completely understand why I was in a hurry or why I got a little frustrated that I had to repeat everything I just went over.  I hope to one day look different than the world in how I live my life, and this year my goal is to be aware of how I handle little things in my day to day that may not be life altering to the casual eye. Maybe as the Lord teaches me to handle these little  day to day moments a little better, He is preparing me to handle bigger things that life is sure to throw my way. Not just school either but life in general...family, friends, church,etc.  And maybe...just maybe someone will see how the Lord has taught me to handle life differently than the world and will want to know more about the beauty of life lived for Him. 

Missing...

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder..."

I have never agreed with this quote more than I have these past 6 weeks! I remember thinking 6 weeks is nothing and wondered why everyone was making it seem like I was going for this terribly long time. After all, I went away to college and spent a few summers off on missions. But I have never been so homesick as I was this summer. I mean, looking back the time has gone quickly. I can't believe it is almost over, and I know this week will fly by and creep by all at the same time.

Being away and missing the things and people of my day to day life has in a strange way been a very sweet thing. Difficult but sweet all the same. I appreciate things so much more! Love people so much more! And I am so thankful the Lord has given me these 6 weeks to see the beauty of my day to day life back home and the abundant blessings I have there!!

I have had a wonderful summer and I look forward to my last week here and seeing what the Lord still has in store for us! I can't wait to tell you all about my summer soon! God is too good to me!!

These new friends will be missed!! 

Women

This post is an attempt to give you a glimpse into my summer thus far. I will be honest. I have yet to fully process my summer, so it is just a quick overview of what I have been up to this summer and a bit of what God is teaching me. Words seem to fail me as I try to write about what I have done this summer.

I have taken on a bit of a role this summer that is new for me...women...
Children are my sweet place...I am usually pretty comfortable when you throw me into a room of children. This summer I was hoping for a change of pace and I got it. I am bringing groups of 11th and 12th grade girls to three different ministries in New Orleans that minister specifically to women.

My sites range from prayer walking around Bourbon street for a ministry that goes into the strip clubs to love on the women working there to sitting alongside women in rehab and being an ear to hear their stories and their struggles as they seek to get their lives right. To say this is a step out of my comfort zone might be an understatement, but I am thankful for the opportunity to get uncomfortable and allow God to stretch me.

It's weird that my heart doesn't really hurt for them in the way I thought it would. I mean it does, but as I sit and hear stories of how God is bringing them out of these lives, out of bondage, out of depression and out of a life void of hope and joy, all I can do is be excited for them. Excited that they have found hope and joy and forgiveness and restoration and satisfaction in Christ alone!

So many of the songs we sing in worship speak right to the lives of these women. If I could gather them all and fill our evening worship services with these broken women, I would because I would love for them to have these words of encouragement and hope sung over them! And then to hear their voices raise to the Father proclaiming life made new in Him...

"I am new"
I am not who I was
I am being remade I am new
Dead to the old man I'm coming alive
I am new

Forgiven beloved
Hidden in Christ
Made in the image of the Giver of Life
Righteous and holy
Reborn and remade
Accepted and worthy this is our new name


I believe if we could all just see our worth in Christ, we would so easily leave the things of this world behind and walk more confidently in His ways, in the things He desires for us. Not settling for anything less! My prayer  for all women (myself included), is that we see ourselves as Christ sees us...worthy and beautiful! 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17