Stop and stare

The ocean

The sky

The mountains

A fire

The country side

As I was driving home today, I was completely amazed by these wonderfully large and fluffy clouds. They were so pretty, and I just thought they were great! I couldn't help but think about how I could just stop and stare at the sky and become completely lost in the beauty of my God in all of His creation. And if you think about it, all of the places that I listed above are places that most people can just stop and stare and forget the world around them. Whether it's a night sky full of stars, a cloudy sky, a roaring ocean, a majestic mountain range, a rolling hillside, or a plain that stretches out over the horizon, God's greatness is clearly displayed! Romans 1:20. I love that we are completely captivated by creation that shows off a teeny tiny portion of how BIG our God is. I could literally probably stare at these things and be more amazed as each moment passes. May I always remember how big my God is, and that I am nothing and that He does not need me in the least... but that He chooses me! to love me and to hold me and to bless me and to save me and to give me a hope and purpose!

Isaiah 55:8-9

⁸ "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.

⁹ "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."

How silly...

Blogging/venting to a friend/worrying out loud can be a rather healthy but silly thing. It allows me to realize how silly my fears,worries, and frustrations are! And so I ask that you would understand that the previous blog was written after a long day and all was true, but I am not in this mind set all the time and actually not at all anymore. I know that I am right where God has placed me, and I am going to be confident in Him and find peace in know that He will give me all I need to do His work and love His people. This is such a "duh" concept but again, no matter how many times you hear something or how engrained in your heart and mind something might be, applying it in life is completely different and much harder! So please don't be concerned about me if that last blog made you think I was completely losing it:)

Permanent butterflies!

I believe that I will have permanent butterflies for at least the next month. Starting school is very exciting but quite nerve racking all at the same time!

Tonight has reminded me of a saying that my Nanny always says: "Hurry up and wait" that seems to be the theme of life for most people these days. Hurry up and get a job and wait 3 months, let the nerves build to the absolute peak of all you can bear and then wait 3 more weeks under the weight of all your nerves and fears and just pray that you don't throw up every time you think about it or break down in tears in public.

Today I got to meet my co-workers, and they all seem so wonderful! But I walked away still quite overwhelmed and with butterflies, butterflies that don't seem to be going away. Here's why: (my new list of fears to add to the previous one...try to keep up.)

*What if I can't connect with my co-workers?

*What is the kids don't even like me because I can't be nice to them for a few weeks at least!

*What if I am terrible at this?

*I am terrible at cutesy creative stuff like bulletin boards (I am probably more concerned about this than anything! RIDICULOUS!)

*Everyone keeps saying they have heard great things about me, and I am so worried that I won't live up to those expectations!

I am sure there are more but it's WAY LATE and I don't want to dwell on these things!! I just needed to get them off my chest. Plus these fears are not of the Lord, and I will be working to turn them over to Him. For His name and His Renown are the desires of my heart! He will work despite my complete inability and that my friends is a BEAUTIFUL thing!

In exactly one month my life as a grown up begins!

How crazy! In exactly one month from tomorrow, I begin my big girl job. Overwhelming?? You have no idea!! And overwhelming is not a good state for me to reside in because I tend to shut down and become a bit sensitive in the emotional department (so you've been warned, be kind to me for the next month or 2:)) I can already see some problems that I will encounter over the next few months:

1. I tend to be a bit hard on myself, especially when it involves other people, example the minds of children and their future as readers and writers in this great world:) AHH the pressure..maybe blogging about this is a bad idea seeing how it is only making me think more about it lol. Anyways, I will offer an example of my first point. At Sylvan, I constantly think I am doing awful and the students can't possibly be walking away with any great new knowledge because all I see are the mistakes I made and the places I need to work on. But then you have sweet sweet co-workers who out of nowhere say encouraging and positive things about you that make your day, but then the next day those doubts, insecurities and fears creep in. This is absolutely not from God, so I will be praying that I will find my confidence and strength in Him and Him alone.

2. I blame this next one on college...I have become an unbelievable procrastinator!! I do work better under pressure and it definitely helps that I have something that I am excited about to work on. But the fact remains I am an unorganized and at times, quite ADD procrastinator! All I can say about this one is "God, You've sure got Your work cut out for You!!"

But with these problems (and I am sure the list will only grow as the year goes on but I won't bore you with those details:) comes some amazing and beautiful blessings.

1. Of course, the most obvious beautiful blessing comes in the form of 24 precious little second graders that I get to see everyday. I get to love them and teach them and watch them learn and grow.

2. I get to gain some great experience and grow as a teacher. I have only heard great things about the other teachers there, so I am very excited and nervous at the same time about working with these ladies.

3. I have a JOB! This is indeed a blessing that I pray I never take for granted again. I know what is to be unemployed, and I am actually oddly grateful for that year of struggling to find a job because I now truly know what people go through. I never realized how incredibly discouraging, exhausting, and hard it is to be without work.

4. I get to live my dream! Yes friends, I dream big:) But to me this is a big dream: to have my very own class and do something I love!

5. I get to spend my first few years of teaching in a Christian environment, which I know will be a beautiful blessing and that I will see in the small things over the year how thankful I am for this!

EEEK ONE MONTH!! HOW EXCITING AND SCARY:)!!!

(and don't judge my ability to teach grammar and writing by my blogging skills...they give us a textbook that tells us just what to say:) JK)